Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
