why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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