I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
