I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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