I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
