Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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