Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
