just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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