guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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