He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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