i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
