why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize