I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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