God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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