this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
