Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
