Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
