btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
