apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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