Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
