I'm going to jail i love you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
