she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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