he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
