white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
