Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
