I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
