i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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