His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
