You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
