Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
