it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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