Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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