I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
