Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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