don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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