So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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