3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
