Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
