Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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