Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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