so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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