Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
