i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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