You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
