I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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