is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
