i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
