I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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