my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
