He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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