i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
