Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
