I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
