I wish my penis had an off switch
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
