I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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