I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
