So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
