people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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