living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
