Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
