Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
