One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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