Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
