I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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