Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
