i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
