My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize