farters have to be the big spoon...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
