Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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