that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
