So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
