I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
